We must see difficulties differently if we are to build resilience and the capacity to grow from them. Resilience doesn’t come easy, and it is built over time- difficulty by difficulty-but it requires a shift in our thinking. They move through the stages of grief more quickly. As a result, the resilient person actually lessens the time they spend learning and healing. A resilient person leans into the problem.
The Roman statesman Cato thought that almost any form of comfort as a road to waste-a road taking us nowhere.Ī resilient person is not fragile. So, when someone or something suddenly messes with our plans, we are hit harder by them because we lack the skills and mindset to deal with them. In our comfort, we don’t build the resilience we need to deal with life. The most comfortable life is the most fragile and the most likely to collapse under stress. We lack resilience.Ī bubble-wrapped life is a fragile life. When something goes wrong, we want someone to fix it. The mistaken impression that life should always be happy does not prepare us for the tragedy and danger of this world. Sidestepping a disruption in our life makes us more vulnerable to the next one. We should anticipate our plans going awry and prepare for it, but most of us are not remotely prepared to deal with real disruptions. Resilience means learning to deal with the uncertainty of life as a given. Who and what we were has been forever changed. And I say bounce forward because, as we all know, most disruptions leave us nothing to bounce back to. Resilience is our ability to bounce forward no matter what life throws at us. It’s the idea that your circumstances don’t determine your future. I remember my parents telling me, from early on, to roll with the punches-don’t let situations knock you off course. Resilience is our ability to roll with the punches and deal with these disruptions in a more positive and creative way. Our ability to deal effectively with any disruption is determined by how resilient we are.Ī good definition of resilience is our capacity to maintain our core purpose and integrity in the face of dramatically changed circumstances. But whether the disruption is big or small, there is a quality that is critical to our success that connects them all. For others, something much deeper needs to happen, more akin to healing. If our emphasis in life is to hang on to what we have, what we are, then one day we will find ourselves running on empty, living meaningless lives.įor some disruptions, it is fair to say, “Get over it,” and move on. Disruptions either change us or they leave us stuck going nowhere. We want it to end so we can get back to the way we were.īut we can’t go back. We get angry, we blame, and we get depressed, and we ask, “Why is this happening to me?” We fight against whatever is making us uncomfortable. Wanting things to go our way, we fight against these disruptions.
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From the disruption of birth to the disruption of death, life is full of change. It doesn’t matter who (or what) you are-man or mouse-disruption is a way of life. It’s a good description of the world we live in. I returned and saw under the sun that-The race is not to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor bread to the wise, Nor riches to men of understanding, Nor favor to men of skill But time and chance happen to them all. King Solomon also reflected on the same thought in his book Ecclesiastes. Events happen for which we have no good explanation. Things don’t always go the way we planned them to go for absolutely no good reason. The world doesn’t always bend to our wishes. And it seems no matter what we do, we are frustrated by our inability to control it. But they all make us uncomfortable because something is not going the way we planned it. Some disruptions are predictable and some we never saw coming. Some we quickly move past, and some stop us dead in our tracks. The implication is that things rarely go just the way we want.ĭisruptions fall all along the spectrum from “the whatever” to “the paralyzing.” From my-coffee-is-too-hot to the death of a loved one from the game was canceled to a divorce. THE SCOTTISH POET Robert Burns wrote, “The best-laid schemes of mice and men often go awry,” in a poem to a mouse whose nest was disrupted by the plow.
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How to Bounce Forward When Life Throws You a Curve
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